Because of that day I am ruined for any more of winter, I have no more patience for cold and layers of clothing. I want the doors open and a breeze blowing through the windows all night. I hate the sight of our wood stove as trusty and wonderful as it has been.
I. am. done. with. winter.
In my impatience I have written a manual for anyone else out there similarly desperate to go outside with out the half hour chase the toddler to get him dressed while the baby wails in the sling because she is too hot already routine. This is NOT the kind of routine they talk about when they say rhythm is good for children.
Cabin Fever Manual (Outline)
Chapter One: What to do With a Fidgety Toddler on a Cold Cold Morning
1.Dress him warmly
2.In whatever he wants to wear.
3.Check ebay for average sale prices of toddlers and see if you can get a cruise out of this one.
4.Immediately regret thoughts of selling your child for a vacation.
Chapter Two: How to Make Lunch More Interesting
1. Find cookie cutters
2. Cut almond butter sandwiches into hearts
3. Make mental note to self to find tractor cookie cutter and see if it will work on vegetables
4. Take pictures while he is cute and again reprimand self for wanting to sell such cute offspring.
Chapter Three: Taking Them Out or Remind Me Why I Am Doing This?
1. Dress toddlers and babies warmly, especially on windy days.
2. Dress baby first, put in sling so she will be ready to go right out.
3. Chase toddler down and wrestle him into pants and socks.
4. Go look for boots.
5. Wash toddlers hands after he dumps diaper pail.
6. Take knife away from toddler, look for another pair of boots that isn't divorced.
7. Repeat step #3, only refasten diaper again too.
8. Curse to self, but not out loud. Most people don't find cussing toddlers funny, even if you do.
9. Adjust sling so the baby can breathe. Pat her reassuringly on the head.
10. Wrench door open and go out to porch, sniff the air and go right back in for a diaper change.
11. Wrench open the door and race down the stairs before anything else happens, telling toddler to stay on driveway because he is already saying "play road".
12. Watch and see how far he will actually go.
13. Laugh at self for thinking he would stop and allow thoughts of ebay to sneak back in.
14. Stay out until nap time, or until the baby starts screaming to eat, approx 15 minutes.
15. Repeat for every day three months until spring.
Chapter Four: Severe Desperation, What to Do
1. DO NOT post that ad you just made with your son for sale on it.
2. Watch toddler sleeping and remember why you like him.
3. Eat an entire cherry pie in two days. Breakfast Pie, Lunch Pie, and Dinner Pie.
4. Watch toddler sleeping and remember why you like him.
5. Take him to your farmer friend's house to look at sheep, they are loud and big and scary and your toddler will cling to you instead of running away like he has for two weeks.
6. Just kidding about the scaring him into staying with you part, although it was nice for a second.
7. Find an old farm tractor, stay on the mountain till dark, look at the lights in the valley, get home way past bedtime.
8. Seriously consider robbing a bank so that you can buy a farm for your son.9. Watch him sleeping and remember why you like him.
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